Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Jurassic Park: Live blog...


Jurassic Park: Live blog...


If you know me pretty well, then you should know that I have not seen a TON of movies. So I had an idea...I'm going to watch different movies and make a play-by-play commentary of my thoughts throughout the whole movie.


Tonight, I have decided that I will watch the classic, dinosaur film “Jurassic Park.” I love dinosaurs, the outdoors, and 90's action movie music, so it's a foregone conclusion that I will love this movie.
Here it is...enjoy.

6:55pm – I'm pretty pumped about this movie. Dinosaurs are awesome, and the bits and pieces that I have seen of this movie has been nothing but enjoyable. I also hope David Nowers and Sean Kotora can stop giving me so much grief about not seeing this movie.

6:56pm – I want a Jurassic Park hardhat. Those things are sweet!

6:57pm – 2 minutes in and a black guy dies already?!? That deserves a Keyshawn Johnson “C'mon, man!”

7:03pm – What a dumb little kid. Comparing a raptor to a turkey?? Well, Dr. Grant made him feel pretty stupid. And that's that.

7:05pm – “WTF HELICOPTER!?! Wait, it's ok. It's a rich, old guy who wears all white.”

7:08pm – ENTER NEWMAN!!

7:09pm – Is it just me? Or does Newman seem like he would be extremely unqualified to run around an island collecting a bunch of embryos.

7:10pm – Hey! It's Jeff Goldblum. Is this the movie where he intercepts the satellite signals from all the dinosaurs and he eventually uses a virus to kill all of the dinosaurs and save the planet??

7:13pm – Awesome music...Awesome Jeeps

7:15pm – OHHHH MAAAHHHH GEEEEEERDDDD!!!!! DINOSAURS!! (is what I would be thinking)

7:20pm – So these dinosaurs came from mosquitoes?? That's pretty far-fetched...not sure how realistic this movie is.

7:22pm – Can you imagine how much the insurance premium would be for Jurassic Park employees if Obama was president at this time? ZIIIING!!

7:23pm – I kind of expected Andrew James to hatch out of that dinosaur egg.

7:26pm – YOU BRED RAPTORS?!?! WTF?!

7:27pm – “This is some bull!” - says the ravenous dinosaurs.

7:30pm – Jeff Goldblum is awesome.

7:32pm – I'm with you man in white. I want you to keep the park and open it to the public. I think dinosaurs and man will be able to co-exist for sure.

7:35pm – Wait, is that who I think it is...no...wait, YES! SAMUEL L. JACKSON!! I think it would be awesome if he made a movie to where some terrorists put some dinosaurs on a plane and chaos ensues. I would call it “Dinosaurs on a plane.”

7:37pm – Where are the Dilaphosauruses??

7:42pm – Dr. Malcolm is very witty. I am a fan.

7:45pm – Seriously, how cool would it be to pet a triceratops!? Extremely cool is the correct answer.

7:50pm – I didn't understand anything Newman just said, but I'm assuming it's bad because it's raining and there are a bunch of dinosaurs roaming around.

7:51pm – Newman, you bastard.

7:52pm – NEWMAN, YOU BASTARD!

7:53pm – Side note: You'd figure that security at a park holding dinosaurs would be a lot tighter.

7:56pm – Ahhhhh shooooot!! Is that Chris Bosh??

7:58pm – Jeff Goldblum on queue for another smug, arrogant remark. Love it.

8:02pm – What a dumb girl. Tim is awesome, though.

8:06pm – Hahaha I do remember this scene with Newman. Classic!

8:13pm – Didn't write for awhile due to intensity of getting Timmy out of the tree without the Explorer falling on them. Well done Dr. Grant.

8:14pm – Jeff Goldblum does it again...

8:15pm – OOOHHHHH MAAAAHHH GEEEERDDD!!!!

8:16pm – This movie was so far ahead of its time when it came out. This is truly a timeless classic. Yeah this is the first time I've watched it all the way through, so what?

8:18pm – What do you call a blind dinosaur? A Doyouthinkhesaurus! Classic!!

8:19pm – This girl is soooo stupid...

8:20pm – In the meantime, John is eating a ton of ice cream. Seems logical.

8:21pm – Old man rant....DOOOON'T CAAAAARE

8:24pm – That stupid girl getting sneezed on by a dinosaur was pretty enjoyable. God bless you!

8:25pm – Ahhhh shoooooot!! Dinosaur eggs!!!

8:27pm - “Hold on to your butts” - Samuel L. Jackson

8:28pm – If SLJ gets killed trying to turn the power on, I'll be PISSED.

8:30pm – Cool dinosaur scene...

8:31pm – Why didn't they give SLJ one of those guns????? Or a walkie talkie?????? WTF?!?! RACIST!!!

8:34pm – Uh oh....

8:37pm – This timing could not have been worse!!!! No!!!!! Turn the power off!!!! GET DOWN TIMMY!!

8:38pm – TIMMY!!!! WHOA DINOSAUR!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!

8:39pm – NOO SLJ!!! HOW COULD YOU, DINOSAUR!??! That was an intense 2 minutes...this guy is about to be dead.

8:40pm – Yup.

8:41pm – That a way Timmy!! Survived 10,000 Volts of electricity...somehow.

8:43pm – Ah, they learned how to open doors? Big deal, I've been opening doors for over 20 years.

8:44pm – These two raptors sound like a couple of SIDiots.

8:47pm – Good for that little girl for making herself useful. She really needed the self esteem boost.

8:50pm – AHHHH!! Dinosaurs are aggressive for no reason! Probably due to the lack of father figures in their life.

8:51pm – What!?!? T-REX/RAPTOR FIGHT!!! The timing was extremely convenient.

8:53pm – Wouldn't this John guy be a pretty high-profile criminal in real life? I mean, this is pretty messed up. He just cloned animals that are extremely dangerous, and they could do a lot of damage if they reached the mainlands.

8:54pm – Don't commit Dr. Grant. Remain a bachelor.



1 comment:

  1. I will withhold exactly 3% of the grief I would have given you before now that you've watched JP.

    ReplyDelete